There are only four behaviours and yet we find it so hard to locate the assertive voice within us.
We know that it is being true to ourself and saying what we genuinely mean, however we find it hard to articulate.
The other behaviours that get in the way are:-
- Aggressive – too strong as a voice
- Passive- too weak
- Passive/Aggressive – not really our voice
Behaviour is contagious so if some-one raises the voice they unlock within us an equally aggressive tone. We need to instigate the pause button to release the assertive behaviour which is very simplistically, “Say what you mean and mean what you say”.
Adam Galinsky explains that speaking out is all about finding a your own personal range, the voice that works for you. Being sure of the perspective you see in front of you. He tells the story of a bank raid where the banking clerk just asked why the amount was so specific. The bank robber explained it was the rent his friend owed in order to prevent eviction. She calmly suggested that they chat through a bank loan rather than proceed with the raid. The calmness and empathetic approach of this bank clerk prevented what could have been a very catastrophic situation.
Being sure of the perspective you see in front of you is all about being assertive. In the book “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher and William Ury they repeat that the best negotiating is always to look behind the position and ask why it matters.
We can deliver an Assertion workshop in 90 minutes at your workplace, please do visit our website to find out more http://www.nuggetsoflearning.co.uk