We can only comment on what we see, not what we think is driving behaviour. So an example would be:-
Alice always appears very unhelpful when people enter the department, she never welcomes anyone.
We could make an assumption that she has a bad attitude. However we must only give feedback on the observable. Our personality is made up of values, skills, beliefs and attitudes we have collated to be our unique self.
Alice needs feedback on just behaviour that we can see:-
“Alice I have seen that every time anyone enters the department you never look up, you never make eye contact with them or say anything”
We would hope that Alice might explain, she hates being at the front desk, she has always been shy, she did not realise it was a requirement or she said sorry and was keen to do it differently.
Think about the balance between a behaviour and an attitude, what is behind and what is driving it. You often notice more when some-ones behaviour is not in sync with their usual demeanor.
A very handy mnemonic to keep you on the right track (“SBI”):-
S – Situation – what can you see happening?
B – Behaviour – what are they doing, only observable?
I – Impact – what do they think could be the impact of this behaviour?
It is always better if an individual can self assess their behaviour, no-one likes to be told where they are going wrong.
Please do get in touch if you would like your team to have a workshop on feedback.
and contact firstname.lastname@example.org