Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, personal impact, Relationships

Be kind to you…

When a Doctor diagnoses a condition, do you immediately change your habits.  We have to want to change and that is our own private relationship with kindness.

We have to be kind to ourselves and understand why we want to be.  When you are on a plane they always ask you to apply the oxygen mask to yourself first before helping others.  The priority is you.

It all begins with changing our habits and ensuring that they are natural and sustainable.    If you want to stop smoking, sudden abstinence is not kind however, going from 10 cigarettes to 3 is easier and kinder.

From a business perspective, you are overwhelmed by your emails, so you have a habit of processing them all at the same time.  Understand this methodology is not kind to yourself, prioritise them first.  Set a time limit on processing them.

In order to change your habits you have to understand your triggers.  When do you find the desire to break from the pattern.

Trigger for a smoker might be a night out.  Before you set out for the evening only take the cigarettes you intend to smoke, don’t let the trigger break the good work you have done already.

When you are busy the trigger  for your emails is the alert that you have new mail, simply turn it off and be kind to you.

The perception in the past has often been that being kind to yourself is indulgent however we cannot truly be kind to others unless we understand how to be kind to ourselves.    Kindness is unconditional and if you get in the habit of doing it, as with anything it will become natural.

Think about people you love and decide whether you would wish kindness on them and turn the tables and think how loved you are.

Be kind to you…

Please do get in touch for 1:1 coaching bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, motivation

Being creative – curse or gift?

I listened to the TED talk of Elizabeth Gilbert the author of “Eat, Pray, Love”.  She talks about the moment you have reached a peak in your creativity and how the question is…

“How can you top that?”

There have been many tortured creative geniuses who have suffered from poor mental health.  Often the reason is the same as Gilbert describes, constant anxiety about how you can better your last achievement.

Creativity comes into everyday life and everyone has the same levels of anxiety.  The report you produced last week that everyone loved, will you be able to get that response again.

Fear and anxiety can prevent us from thinking logically.

The sensible way of managing a gift is not to attach too much responsibility to it.  You turn up and you work hard everything will fall into place.

In ancient Greece and Rome they believed creativity was a divine entity that lived in the walls not in a person.  This all changed with the Renaissance where they recognised individuals for their creativity.  Gilbert questions this shift in responsibility, she says that it puts too much responsibility on the individual.

To manage our own talents and our own mental health, it may well be advantageous to talk  out loud to it. Take the lead and tell it that you have showed up and you are working hard, and they need to do their bit.

We often have our best ideas in the shower or while driving, maybe the ancient Greeks and Romans were onto something, and it does live in the walls.

We can all be creative and always see it as a gift, never let it freeze your thinking.

Please do get in touch for a workshop on Creativity bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Stress management

The resilient Athlete…

One of my Clients sponsored Natalie Miller the Co Captain of the indoor netball team otherwise known as Nets.

The team went into the World Cup as reigning champions which is always a hard place to start as the expectation of a result is heavy on the teams shoulders.

We have closely followed the team’s progress and worked with them before they left on having a great mind set and adopting winning behaviour.

The team missed out on a medal, however the journey and the values they shared are winning in the minds of many.  I interviewed Natalie recently to get an insight as to how an athlete returns to life after a tournament with the memories of highs and lows.

Leading up to a tournament there is the training and the abstinence from partying and alcohol and the missing out on family events.  The discipline of being constantly in training is tough.

Natalie explained that when she returned it is hard to make that transition.  Mentally it is tough to understand what has just happened.  Knowing that it is over and you have worked for a year and half and been so focused.  The recovery is slow as the emotions run high.  The reality of a gear change takes a while to adjust to.

Freddie Flintoff’s podcast was something Natalie could relate to, he talks about how it feels to return home after tournament.  The harshest part is knowing that you will never play with that team again.  The combination of players is very hard to replicate.

Natalie explained that the team have not seen each other since the World Cup, however this feels natural as everyone needs space after such an experience.

The team experienced a tremendous high when they won against New Zealand and personally very special to Natalie as her parents witnessed the victory.  This match showcased the team, they all came together and there was total cohesion.

Another special moment was one team member was not going to play again and understandably was feeling sad, so as the Captain, Natalie asked “What would really make you happy?”.  At the time of asking the team were in an ice bath, and heroically Natalie offered to dive head first into the ice bath.  The reaction after the dive is something the team will never forget.

Everyone has a contribution and that is why being part of a team is so special.

The high of being part of a team to represent your country and being Captain cannot be minimised.  Natalie took advantage of going to South Africa by having a holiday afterwards with her parents who went out to support her.  This time was very precious being one of four to have exclusivity with her parents was a wonderful reward.

Natalie’s story continues…she has been promoted at the school she works at.  She is now the Head of Netball, Seaford College.  She brings her passion of the sport and shares that with the children.  She is playing for Sussex Thunder as the Captain and has her heart and eyes set on the Masters World Indoor Championships in 2020.

The sponsor invested in Natalie as they had shared values and the journey to the World Cup has only highlighted and exaggerated how relevant they are.

  • Resilience
  • Leadership
  • Passion
  • Teamplayer

Values are your anchor in life and you will always be a winner if you stay true to them.

Congratulations to all the Nets team and to Natalie for being a part of the World Cup and for sharing their story.

 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, motivation, Stress management, Time management

Procrastinating…

Procrastinating something we are guilty of.

What actually is it?   In a nutshell it is self regulating failure.

We all have too many distractions so it is very easy to procrastinate.  We need more than just will power.  Some of the reasons we find it so easy to avoid tasks is that we can have a dip in our overall motivation.  We might be feeling anxious, or we simply hate the task in hand and will try every aversion tactic possible.

We can also affect a task by just how we talk about it “I have to or I need to…”  This is all reactive language and does not put you in a positive mindset.  If we used proactive language around the task we would feel more positive.  “I choose to or I would like to…”

Some top tips to prevent procrastination:-

  • Set up your environment with minimal distractions, just one screen on your desk
  • Ensure that your phone is on silent.
  • Set your own deadline, if the end point is too far away you might put it off
  • Ensure you are not overwhelmed by a task, break it into smaller chunks
  • List your tasks and actions – What gets written gets done…
  • Identify your best time in the day and ensure that is when you work on the tough stuff
  • Committ to a time limit with a break built in, and reward yourself so that you still feel motivated
  • Visualise how you will feel once you have completed the task

Please do get in touch for a 90 minute Time Management workshop bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

The photo is courtesy of:-

@KrishantiPhoto_commercial

@KrishanthiPhoto

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, Relationships

Being kind to yourself…

We are toughest on ourselves, your inner dialogue would shock others if you were to say it out loud.  Many books have now been written on managing those voices.  Famously we have the Chimp Paradox where Dr Steve Peters says that immature voice is our Chimp and we can manage it.  What tools or weapons do we have to combat that negativity.

The new tactic is kindness and the methodology comes from the book, The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi.

Start your day with 30 paperclips in your pocket and every time you say something negative in your head about yourself, transfer a paperclip to the other pocket.  The accumulation of paperclips might be a wake up call of how often you are unkind to yourself.  The transference of cruelty is given a number.  You can use marbles, buttons or pebbles in jars anything visual that just highlights how tough we are on ourselves.

This alone might not be enough for you to stop the habit of negative self talk.  Therefore another exercise from the book is to create a map called “Conversations about me”.  This is about committing to paper all the awful things you have said about yourself.  The second part of the exercise is to create a map called “Some-one I love”.  When you populate a map about some-one else you are positive about all their hopes and dreams and you only want to give them good advice and wish the best for them in everything.

When you look at the two maps you can see:-

  • Negativity Vs Positivity
  • Uplifting Vs Destructive

We would never give advice to a friend or some-one we love that would be cruel so therefore be kind to yourself.  In a nutshell ensure that you are:-

  • Compassionate
  • Generous
  • Understanding

Hit a pause button in your head and think about the three words above and imagine you are guiding some-one else rather than yourself.

Be kind to you.

 

Please do get in touch  bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

The Photo is courtesy of krish@photographybykrishanthi.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, motivation

Believe in yourself…

“Some people want it to happen – some wish it would happen – others make it happen” Michael Jordan

The quote above is in my office and I look at it daily to reinforce in myself that it is only me that can make it happen.

When you are having one of those days where you are not sure where the next piece of work is coming from, you have to believe you can always make it happen.

The way you think and feel about yourself has a much bigger impact on your life than you think.  If you believe in yourself and your abilities you will have the confidence to make it happen.

To reinforce the belief look at it as a cycle of affirmations:-

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Please do get in touch for 1:1 coaching to increase your belief in yourself bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Goals

Habits shape your identity…

Habits always start with a good intention, go to the gym, lose weight, eat healthily and then for some reason they become hassle.

We often go straight to what we want to achieve rather than looking at the process that leads there, or more importantly who we will be once we have made the habit permanent.

In James Clear’s book “Atomic Habits” he explains there are three layers:-

  • Changing your outcomes – the result eg. losing weight
  • Changing your processes – the systems and habit that lead you to losing weight
  • Changing your identity – this is changing your view of your self

Outcomes are about what you get, processes about what you do and identity is about what you believe.

A good example is someone trying to quit smoking and being offered a cigarette:-

  1. “No thanks I’m trying to quit”
  2. “No thanks I’m not a smoker”

The identity change of not being a smoker is far more powerful than the response of trying to get there.

The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.   It is one thing to say I am the type of person who wants this.  It is something very different to say I am the type of person who is this.

Examples:-

  • The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader
  • The goal is not to run 10k the goal is to become a runner
  • The goal is not learn an instrument the goal is to become a musician

The reason habits are so hard to reverse is we have created beliefs around our identities and unless we challenge them they become the pathway.  Carol Dweck describes this as the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

  • I am terrible at Maths
  • I am terrible with directions
  • I am not good with technology

The habits we follow embody our identity.  So already you make your bed each morning therefore you have the identity of an organised person.  The more you repeat the behaviour the more you reinforce that identity.

  • Each time you write you are a writer
  • Each time you practice a musical instrument you are a musician
  • Each time you encourage your team you are a leader

The starting point is to decide the person you want to be and prove it to yourself with small wins.  What do you want to stand for? What are your principles and values? Who do you wish to become?

Think about who is the type of person that could get the outcome you want?

  • I am a team leader who stands up for the team
  • I am a Doctor who gives each patient the time and empathy they need
  • I am the person who can be relied upon to be on time

Once you have identified the person you want to be you can ask your desired identity:-

  • “Would a healthy person catch a cab or walk?”
  • “Would a healthy person choose a salad or sandwich?”

In summary the most effective way to change a habit is focus not on what you want to achieve but on who you wish to become.  Your identity emerges through your habits and each small action is a move in the direction of who you want to be.  The  real reason habits matter is not because they can get you better results, but because they can change your beliefs about yourself.

Please do get in touch for a workshop on habits or coaching bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk