Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, personal impact, Relationships

Be kind to you…

When a Doctor diagnoses a condition, do you immediately change your habits.  We have to want to change and that is our own private relationship with kindness.

We have to be kind to ourselves and understand why we want to be.  When you are on a plane they always ask you to apply the oxygen mask to yourself first before helping others.  The priority is you.

It all begins with changing our habits and ensuring that they are natural and sustainable.    If you want to stop smoking, sudden abstinence is not kind however, going from 10 cigarettes to 3 is easier and kinder.

From a business perspective, you are overwhelmed by your emails, so you have a habit of processing them all at the same time.  Understand this methodology is not kind to yourself, prioritise them first.  Set a time limit on processing them.

In order to change your habits you have to understand your triggers.  When do you find the desire to break from the pattern.

Trigger for a smoker might be a night out.  Before you set out for the evening only take the cigarettes you intend to smoke, don’t let the trigger break the good work you have done already.

When you are busy the trigger  for your emails is the alert that you have new mail, simply turn it off and be kind to you.

The perception in the past has often been that being kind to yourself is indulgent however we cannot truly be kind to others unless we understand how to be kind to ourselves.    Kindness is unconditional and if you get in the habit of doing it, as with anything it will become natural.

Think about people you love and decide whether you would wish kindness on them and turn the tables and think how loved you are.

Be kind to you…

Please do get in touch for 1:1 coaching bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, Relationships

Being kind to yourself…

We are toughest on ourselves, your inner dialogue would shock others if you were to say it out loud.  Many books have now been written on managing those voices.  Famously we have the Chimp Paradox where Dr Steve Peters says that immature voice is our Chimp and we can manage it.  What tools or weapons do we have to combat that negativity.

The new tactic is kindness and the methodology comes from the book, The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi.

Start your day with 30 paperclips in your pocket and every time you say something negative in your head about yourself, transfer a paperclip to the other pocket.  The accumulation of paperclips might be a wake up call of how often you are unkind to yourself.  The transference of cruelty is given a number.  You can use marbles, buttons or pebbles in jars anything visual that just highlights how tough we are on ourselves.

This alone might not be enough for you to stop the habit of negative self talk.  Therefore another exercise from the book is to create a map called “Conversations about me”.  This is about committing to paper all the awful things you have said about yourself.  The second part of the exercise is to create a map called “Some-one I love”.  When you populate a map about some-one else you are positive about all their hopes and dreams and you only want to give them good advice and wish the best for them in everything.

When you look at the two maps you can see:-

  • Negativity Vs Positivity
  • Uplifting Vs Destructive

We would never give advice to a friend or some-one we love that would be cruel so therefore be kind to yourself.  In a nutshell ensure that you are:-

  • Compassionate
  • Generous
  • Understanding

Hit a pause button in your head and think about the three words above and imagine you are guiding some-one else rather than yourself.

Be kind to you.

 

Please do get in touch  bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

The Photo is courtesy of krish@photographybykrishanthi.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, motivation

Believe in yourself…

“Some people want it to happen – some wish it would happen – others make it happen” Michael Jordan

The quote above is in my office and I look at it daily to reinforce in myself that it is only me that can make it happen.

When you are having one of those days where you are not sure where the next piece of work is coming from, you have to believe you can always make it happen.

The way you think and feel about yourself has a much bigger impact on your life than you think.  If you believe in yourself and your abilities you will have the confidence to make it happen.

To reinforce the belief look at it as a cycle of affirmations:-

fullsizeoutput_1e97.jpeg

Please do get in touch for 1:1 coaching to increase your belief in yourself bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk 

Posted in Bite size learning, Change management, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, mindfulness

Out of the Maze…

The follow up to “Who moved my cheese…?” has arrived, and what perfect timing for me personally and for the world in general.

For those of you who have not read the bestseller “Who moved my cheese…?’ the theme is that cheese is a metaphor for what you want to have in life and the maze is where you look for what you want.  The book emphasises the need to adapt to change and move with the cheese.

The new book asks the question what if you don’t know where to begin.

The central character is locked by the fact change has happened and the belief that things will never be the same.  However he meets the character “Hope” who says “Maybe they can turn out better than they were…”

We have beliefs that we get locked into and they can hold you prisoner in a mindset.  A belief is a thought that you trust is true, which can be either hold you down or lift you up.  Therefore you can change your mind if you choose a new belief.   You must not become the belief, you are the person who chooses your beliefs.

This links very closely to the work of Carol Dweck who talks about giving our children a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset.

An example:- if you have a belief that you are bad at public speaking  you will never put yourself in a position to speak.

If you change the belief that you are good at speaking in small groups, therefore you will be just as good public speaking.

The book “Out of the maze…” goes even further by saying – there are no limits to what you can believe.   You can simply change your mind by having new beliefs.

Sometime we have to believe before we can see the result so that we get into the right frame of mind.

An example:- believe you can sell your business before you have put it on the market and then you will do all that is necessary to get it ready to sell

On the journey to get out of the maze the character had to lose old baggage which is a metaphor for old thinking and beliefs.   We often on the journey have to seek out the very things we have always avoided.  Explore what has until now always seemed impossible.

The reflections at the end of the book, put it very succinctly “The Maze I need to get out of? is my own thinking”

Please do get in touch for a 90 minute workshop bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, personal impact, Stress management

Being kind to yourself…

We are responsible for our actions and our decisions and ultimately how kind we decide to be to ourselves.

My day had a bumpy start, I was about to board a train when I remembered I had not put a pen in my bag.  I did a very bad Mum run to WH Smiths at the station and managed to make the train.  Felt quite smug that I had turned things around.

The desperate need for the pen was to make notes on a book on my kindle.  Sat back and retrieved the kindle to find it was out of charge.  Still not deterred used my iPhone to create the kindle app, but failed to remember my amazon password.  I wasted most of the journey with failed attempts and the ultimate lock out message.

When I arrived at Waterloo I decided to walk to my meeting as I needed to be kind to myself, after my rather unproductive train journey. The walk in the sunshine and along the South Bank in London was great for putting me in a lovely mood for my meeting.

When something goes wrong think of a way to be kind to yourself by doing something you will enjoy.

Of course you don’t have to be kind to yourself when something goes wrong, just make it a habit everyday.  Write down when you have been kind to yourself as focusing on ourselves does have restorative effect for the rest of life.

Please do get in touch if you are looking for a business coach bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, motivation, personal impact, Stress management

Write your happy thoughts down…

A study in the British Journal of Health Psychology claimed there was a significant reduction in stress and anxiety when people wrote about their positive emotions.

Previous studies have shown that writing about negative emotions is also good for your mental well being getting stuff “off your chest”.  However not much has been written about the positive emotions.

Writing about positive experiences for 20 minutes a day for 3 consecutive days improved people’s mood and led to fewer visits to the Doctor.  Even writing as little as 2 minutes a day was a positive experience and reduced stress levels.

For the study the 20 minutes of  writing covered areas where people had been moved by a good book, painting, a piece of music or just a good interaction.

There were 71 healthy participants, aged 19 to 77 and randomly allocated into two groups.  The first group was asked to write about the most wonderful experiences (as described above) of their life for 20 minutes for 3 consecutive days.  The other group just covered neutral topics, such as their plans for the rest of the day etc..

At the end of the study the groups answered questionnaires to measure their levels of anxiety and the group that had documented the positive emotions were in much better place than the neutral group.

Write your happy thoughts down to reduce your anxiety levels, get into a routine of reviewing the day ensuring you highlight the positive.

Please do get in touch for a workshop on positivity bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, mindfulness, Stress management

You matter…

In Denmark mattering is part of the school curriculum.  During a weekly hour called Klassen Time, students come together to discuss problems and help one another.  Danish children do this every week from age six until they leave senior school.   To make the ordeal easier a different student each week brings cake.  When the children present their problems they feel they are listened to and the others who provide guidance feel they are making a difference.

The children learn empathy by hearing other perspectives and reflecting on how their behaviour affects those around them.  The emphasis is “how do others feel? and how do my actions make them feel?”

I am often saying the strongest leadership skill you can have is listening.  People feel valued if they are given a “damn good listening to”.

People who listen then understand your situation and you feel that you matter.

Make time for those around you, whether it be at work or home and ensure that they feel that they matter.  Look after yourself and also find some-one who will listen to you as remember “you matter”.

Please do get in touch bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk