When a Doctor diagnoses a condition, do you immediately change your habits. We have to want to change and that is our own private relationship with kindness.
We have to be kind to ourselves and understand why we want to be. When you are on a plane they always ask you to apply the oxygen mask to yourself first before helping others. The priority is you.
It all begins with changing our habits and ensuring that they are natural and sustainable. If you want to stop smoking, sudden abstinence is not kind however, going from 10 cigarettes to 3 is easier and kinder.
From a business perspective, you are overwhelmed by your emails, so you have a habit of processing them all at the same time. Understand this methodology is not kind to yourself, prioritise them first. Set a time limit on processing them.
In order to change your habits you have to understand your triggers. When do you find the desire to break from the pattern.
Trigger for a smoker might be a night out. Before you set out for the evening only take the cigarettes you intend to smoke, don’t let the trigger break the good work you have done already.
When you are busy the trigger for your emails is the alert that you have new mail, simply turn it off and be kind to you.
The perception in the past has often been that being kind to yourself is indulgent however we cannot truly be kind to others unless we understand how to be kind to ourselves. Kindness is unconditional and if you get in the habit of doing it, as with anything it will become natural.
Think about people you love and decide whether you would wish kindness on them and turn the tables and think how loved you are.
Be kind to you…
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We are responsible for our actions and our decisions and ultimately how kind we decide to be to ourselves.
My day had a bumpy start, I was about to board a train when I remembered I had not put a pen in my bag. I did a very bad Mum run to WH Smiths at the station and managed to make the train. Felt quite smug that I had turned things around.
The desperate need for the pen was to make notes on a book on my kindle. Sat back and retrieved the kindle to find it was out of charge. Still not deterred used my iPhone to create the kindle app, but failed to remember my amazon password. I wasted most of the journey with failed attempts and the ultimate lock out message.
When I arrived at Waterloo I decided to walk to my meeting as I needed to be kind to myself, after my rather unproductive train journey. The walk in the sunshine and along the South Bank in London was great for putting me in a lovely mood for my meeting.
When something goes wrong think of a way to be kind to yourself by doing something you will enjoy.
Of course you don’t have to be kind to yourself when something goes wrong, just make it a habit everyday. Write down when you have been kind to yourself as focusing on ourselves does have restorative effect for the rest of life.
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Original ideas drive creativity and change, a sudden inspired thought a flash bulb moment.
Ironically Adam Grant’s TED Talk says that “Originals” people with creative ideas are normally procrastinators. They are slow to start and their opposite precrastinator the person who dives straight in with an idea, might not be that original.
Moderate procrastination allows divergent thinking to occur. The “Panic Monster” of the precrastinator just comes up with one thing. Putting an idea to one side and then revisiting gives you new insight and thinking.
Famously Martin Luther King worked on his speech into the early hours and on the morning of his address. At no point was the line “I have a dream…” on the first script.
If you look back at products and services that were the first movers they are not always the best. Facebook was able to learn from MySpace and Google learnt from Yahoo.
Being original is about having idea doubt and not self doubt. Change the dialogue in your head, the first ideas are not the best but that does not mean you are not the best.
We should always doubt the default and take initiative to look for a better option.
Original thinking is about fear of failing to try not the fear of failing. The biggest regret is no action, it is too important not to try. The more output you generate the more likely you are to hit on original ideas
Motivate yourself by doubting your ideas and think of lots more ideas.
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A study in the British Journal of Health Psychology claimed there was a significant reduction in stress and anxiety when people wrote about their positive emotions.
Previous studies have shown that writing about negative emotions is also good for your mental well being getting stuff “off your chest”. However not much has been written about the positive emotions.
Writing about positive experiences for 20 minutes a day for 3 consecutive days improved people’s mood and led to fewer visits to the Doctor. Even writing as little as 2 minutes a day was a positive experience and reduced stress levels.
For the study the 20 minutes of writing covered areas where people had been moved by a good book, painting, a piece of music or just a good interaction.
There were 71 healthy participants, aged 19 to 77 and randomly allocated into two groups. The first group was asked to write about the most wonderful experiences (as described above) of their life for 20 minutes for 3 consecutive days. The other group just covered neutral topics, such as their plans for the rest of the day etc..
At the end of the study the groups answered questionnaires to measure their levels of anxiety and the group that had documented the positive emotions were in much better place than the neutral group.
Write your happy thoughts down to reduce your anxiety levels, get into a routine of reviewing the day ensuring you highlight the positive.
Please do get in touch for a workshop on positivity email@example.com
The theme for International Women’s Day – #Balanceforbetter. Gender balance is not just a women’s issue – it is a business issue.
The definition of the word balance is even distribution, different elements are equal.
The reality for women is:-
- 208 female members of Parliament – 32% of the House of Commons
- 199 female peers – 24% of the House of Lords
- The UK ranks 15th in the Global Gender Gap Survey
- In the FTSE 100 there are 6 female CEOs
- In the financial sector women earn on average 20% less than men
To understand gender equality I have found an excellent video that is called Gender Equality explained by children. In essence boys and girls do the same job, putting balls into a jar, and yet the boy is rewarded more than the girl. The pay for the job is a jar of sweeties, so initially the children just look at their treat without saying anything. Eventually a girl asks “Why?” and a boy also says “We did the same job” and another boy says “She was as good as me and did not get the same”. The spotlight on the injustice is not lost on the children, and yet today it gets so easily lost.
Why does #Balanceforbetter matter?
- Companies with better gender diversity are 15% more likely to show an increase in financial returns.
- Women represent half the world – therefore half the potential
- Balance matters whether it be gender/skills/knowledge/age
Please do get in touch for ideas around how you can create #balanceforbetter in your organisation.
We bring our children up to believe they can have everything. In schools we now give medals for partcipating, so the shock of hard work and results in the world of work are a surprise. What has eroded confidence before we enter business…?
Many of our children are gaming and constantly interacting with social media. We know that the addictive dopamine keeps their interest and whilst they compete for results they are rarely shared. In order to feel good instead of face to face feedback they are counting the number of likes on a post. Turning to a device instead of a person, means they lack the ability to form deep meaningful relationships. The approval of their peers to grow self esteem is coming from an electronic perspective and not a human.
In order to believe in ourselves we have to be happy in real life and not on our social media platforms.
Genuine praise and recognition takes time and is not an instant when we are in the work place. The younger generation have not learnt the ability to wait for anything, everything can be obtained immediately. You don’t even have to wait for the next episode you can download the whole box set. Instant gratification rather than waiting for a reward which would give us pleasure and contentment.
Job satisfaction is arduous, you have to work hard and build new relationships, you have to have patience. We find a lot of the younger generation want to quit straightaway as they have never had to wait before.
To survive in work we need a good self image and lots of feedback to grow our self esteem. This needs to be authentic and genuine.
Corporates are not helping to create the right environment for this generation. Companies are still very number orientated and there is very little investment in helping people to build confidence. We lack good leaders taking time to guide their direct reports. We need to develop social skills by role modelling, the little innocuous comments that make all the difference. “How’s your Dad?” Through these little asides trust is formed.
Social media plays with our confidence across all generations, watching your friends and family having a lovely life on a screen rather than being with them. We are social beasts, put down the phone and go and have lunch with a colleague.
Please do get in touch with nuggets on developing confidence “Fearless motivation” firstname.lastname@example.org
I recently was a guest on the Whole Lot an interview by Ade Oduyemi. His concept is that we could have met on a train and we are having a chat about anything and everything. Certainly you feel very at ease and the topics covered are quite varied.
To listen to the whole interview you may need to make a coffee and pull up a chair.
In summary the areas we covered were:-
- Routes to learning
- How we measure intelligence
- Colourful and memorable learning environment
- Helping businesses and individuals think differently
- Short burst of learning
- No powerpoint on training courses
- You want people to look at you not at the screen
- The need for a fresh pair of eyes – using a Facilitator can give a new perspective
- You takeaway 20% of the content and it can make 80% difference
- Making email work for you – match your culture to your communication
Please do get in touch to understand how nuggets deliver workshops and how you can make your courses more colourful and memorable.