Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Decision Making, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, personal impact, Relationships

Vulnerability is not a weakness…

Vulnerability fuels our daily lives, it is the one thing that can measure how courageous we are. In order to talk about vulnerability we have to have the conversation about “Shame”.

Dr Brene Brown the author of Daring Greatly says that Shame was the one that brought you to the party and goes hand in hand with vulnerability. Shame is the focus on ourselves which is not the same as Guilt which is a focus on our behaviour. The Gremlin or the voice inside all of us “You are not enough” is the Shame voice – The Gremlin. Shame grows at a rapid rate if you are silent, secretive or judgmental. The survival package for Shame is empathy, the less you talk about Shame the more you have it.

Examples of Shame:-

  • Shame is shouting at my children
  • Shame is being made redundant
  • Shame is being called out by my Manager in front of a Client

To get back to each other and be connected we have to embrace each others vulnerabilities and share them. If we put ourselves in a position of vulnerability we put ourselves into the arena of life and we are seen by others. We have to believe we are enough as it starts with ourselves first and then we start listening to others.

From Dr Brown’s research there emerged a theme that people who have a deep sense of worthiness or in her words our whole hearted embrace their vulnerability. They are not necessarily comfortable with it, however they see it as necessary.

There are three main themes that a whole hearted person has:-

  1. Courage – to be imperfect
  2. Compassion – kind to self first and then to others
  3. Connection – As a result of authenticity

In summary you have to be seen and love with all your heart, practice gratitude and joy and believe that you are enough.

Put yourself out there and Dare Greatly…

Please do attend the nuggets book club on Friday where will be reviewing Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. Please send me an email bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

Posted in Bite size learning, Change management, Leadership, personal impact, Relationships

Coming out of Lockdown…

I am not alone in feeling slightly overwhelmed with working out the conundrum of how we ease out of lockdown.

We can only focus on the things we can influence which helps ease the pressure in your mind and makes you feel calmer.  Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People explains the difference of proactive and reactive thinking.  If you draw two circles one labelled Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence, when you have filled the Circle of Concern focus on the items within that circle that you can influence, these are items you can personally action.  If you cannot, they are beyond your influence and you need to take them out of the circle and effectively take them out of your head.

Another resource that helps us focus on life after lockdown is the follow up to “Who moved my cheese…” a book called “Out of the maze…” both written by Spencer Johnson.

Rather appropriately there is a quote early on in the book from a character called Hope:-

“I don’t think things ever go back to how they were, here’s my thought though.  Maybe they can turn out better than they were” 

Beliefs we have of how we worked before lockdown might be holding us back, after all “A belief is a thought that you trust is true”.  Some of us believed we could never work from home.  The book encourages us to believe that some beliefs can lift you up.  Look at how well we have coped and what we have achieved already in lockdown.

You can change your mind, you can choose new beliefs, which is what we will have to do when our organisations explain how we will return to our offices.

Suggestions already are:-

  • Staggered working hours
  • No face to face meetings
  • No canteen
  • Working from home more

You are not held prisoner by a belief and remember you are the person who chooses your beliefs.  What would you do if you believed everything was possible.  There are no limits to what you can believe.  We often have to believe something is going to work before we can see it working.  It will be important for Leaders to work with them teams in creating a positive mindset and this will be reinforcing an existing strong culture or resetting the culture.

There will be so many unknowns that we have to let go of beliefs in the past which means losing old baggage and applying new thinking and an open mind.  We might get some initiatives wrong,  however if we all hold out on the belief that is possible we will all be more responsive to the change.

We need to find joy in exploring the impossible together and remember we are not changing who we are, because as we have a new belief or new thinking.   There is not a limit on what you can believe, can do, experience and above all enjoy.

Please do get in touch for coaching over Zoom, virtual workshops or look out for our nuggets bookclub.  We are very much still here to support individuals and business “To help people think and work differently…” bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk 

Posted in Bite size learning, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, mindfulness, motivation, personal impact, Relationships

Start with Why…?

The title of Simon Sinek’s bestselling book first published in 2009.  It is coming up to its 10th Anniversary and Sinek is running a live book club every Friday for people to ask questions around the content.  As it is the 10th anniversary he is also going to update the book.

Start with why seems very real and pertinent when we are all in lock down.  We have time to answer a lot of Whys?

  • Why do we do the job we do?
  • Why did we do that long commute day after day?
  • Why is working from home such challenge?

The emphasis of the book is not what you do or how you do it but why you do it?

The why is within all of us we just need to find it.

At this time when we are worried about the stability of our mental health we need to look at how the brain works in conjunction with our Why?

What we do is a neocortex function, practical and easy to understand, you do what you do without much challenge or feeling.  How you do things and why you do them is connected to our limbic brain where all our emotional responses come from.

Think about your line manager do you believe what he or she believes? Do you work together because of what you do or is it because of why you do it.

Please take a look at the Why questions if you are working and if you are not working and you have been furloughed still take time to answer the questions:-

  • Why does your company exist?
  • Why do you get out of bed in the morning?
  • Why should anyone care?

Why is your purpose whether it be a company or an individual.  At the moment people our getting out of bed to home school or they might be providing a service for their company (do they know why it matters).

Please do join me this Friday for nuggets business book review club where we will be discussing “Start with Why” by Simon Sinek

You are invited to a Zoom meeting.
When: Apr 24, 2020 10:00 AM London

Register in advance for this meeting:
https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJIrcOygpjsvGtNJgr81klMybc3VxM5CwqPL

There is no need to have read the book and as a refresher or those that our new to the concept have a look at his original TED talk https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en

 

 

 

 

Posted in Bite size learning, Change management, coaching, Decision Making, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, personal impact, Relationships, Stress management

Focus on what you can control…

We can easily overwhelm ourselves by thinking what we can solve.  There is currently so much to think about, we must break it down and work out what is within our control.

Stephen Covey in his book the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” uses the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence.  There are things we are concerned about and we need to work out whether we can influence them.  If we can do something eg. some form of influence it leaves your Circle of Concern.  It is like a mental in and out box.  What we have to be really careful of, is not letting things fester in a Circle of Concern that we cannot influence and thus making us feel mentally unstable.

My current examples:-

  • Currently I cannot see my Mum therefore I cannot spend everyday worrying about it, however I can see her every evening on House Party with my sisters. An example of a concern moved to influence.
  • I cannot come up with a vaccine for Covid 19 therefore I cannot let it sit in my Circle of Concern that needs to go outside my head into an area of No Concern.  I still care but if I can’t influence it will affect my mental well being.
  • My sons GCSE results are now outside mine or his influence so we have put them to one side in the areas of No Concern.

Amy Morin the author of “Insights from 13 things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” says if we focus on what we can offer others we will stop:-

  • feeling sorry for ourselves
  • resenting other peoples success
  • feeling like we are owed something

Mentally strong people shift their focus to people in need, they look for ways to help others.  If we are busy doing good things we will stop focusing on a victim like mentality.

Within our own households we can focus on how we can make the time as pleasant as possible for them.  We can also reach out to our friends and family remotely still giving support.  In work we can adapt our services, reduce fees and be readily available.

She suggests getting a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle.  Writing all the things above the line that you can’t control and below the line all the things you can control.  After you have finished the list, rip off the top of the paper and throw it away.

Even when you have your list of the things you can control, she says you must remember that people are a factor that you cannot completely control, so remember the following points:-

  • Stop dwelling on the past, a situation with a particular person
  • Stop wasting energy on the things you cannot control within that relationship
  • Stop giving people your power  (don’t let their opinions steer your direction)
  • Stop trying to please everyone

Uncertainty can be managed by focusing on what you can control.  Grab that piece of paper today whether you do the line down the middle or Covey’s circles, focus on what you have influence and control over.

Take care and stay safe and well, please do contact me at bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, personal impact, Relationships

Learn to listen…

Julian Treasure’s TED talk is all about the quality of listening or the lack of it.

On average retention of listening is only 25%, as we make our own interpretation.  We make up patterns from the sound.  We also subconsciously apply filters as to what we want to listen to.

Treasure suggests we partake in a listening workout, train ourselves to pay attention:-

  1. Sit in silence for 3 minutes a day.
  2. Apply a mixer, how many channels can you hear, what are the different sounds around you.
  3. Savouring and enjoying some of the mundane sounds, the tumble dryer is a hidden choir that we don’t appreciate or truly listen to.
  4. Think about your positioning when you listen, are you being respectful to the person you are listening to.  Do you appear attentive and active in your physicality or are you too relaxed and therefore appear to only be passively listening.
  5. He says we should apply the following formula:-
      • Receive
      • Appreciate
      • Summarise
      • Ask

Treasure says “we live to listen, listening is the gateway to understanding”

Listening is a skill like any other and we need to practise and develop continuously.

Please do get in touch for a workshop on communication skills bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk 

Posted in Bite size learning, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, mindfulness, Relationships, Stress management

Extra day…

Often on a Time Management workshop I will ask delegates what they would do with an extra hour.  The answer they most want to give is sleep, however once we have refused that as an option they become far more creative.

This year 2020 is a Leap Year so this Saturday 29th February we will get an extra day, therefore we have 366 days instead of 365 days, however will we make the most of this opportunity.

Very old fashioned concept was that this was the only day women could propose marriage, however as this can happen at anytime during the year, what can be unique about your extra day.

Values drive our behaviour so if we want it to really count think about what matters most in your world.  This may well start with the people that matter most in your life.  Don’t stop there, we could do what we always do with them or we could think what else do we value and what do we want to do with their time.

Identify core values and then think about what activity you can do on Saturday that connects with those.  Only select 3 from the list below, be realistic and think about who you want to be with (the list is limited so add your own ideas for core values):-

Achievement

Authenticity

Balance

Community

Change

Enthusiasm

Family

Happiness

Innovation

Kindness

Recognition

Wisdom

Examples of how values can lead to activities:-

  • Happiness – going back to somewhere that made you feel really happy
  • Wisdom – visiting something cultural and learning new facts
  • Change – meeting new people, going somewhere different

Have a great Saturday and let me know what you did with your extra day?

Please do get in touch for a workshop on any management or leadership topic bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk 

Posted in Bite size learning, Decision Making, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Relationships

Thinking about unconscious bias…

Unconscious bias the deep seated prejudices we all carry around that can affect how we treat people.  We use them automatically, unintentionally and unconsciously.

For a recent workshop I created the following two case studies which I am sure everyone can relate to.

Scenario 1

Line Manager conducts regular one to one sessions with his team members. He has different approaches to different people, and a lot of the team are beginning to feel uncomfortable with his style.

They have been talking at break and have heard that some individuals are asked to share their diary scheduling of work.  He wants very detailed analysis of how they work and what they work on.

Other individuals he just asks for the end result and seems delighted with the progress.

  • What will you do as a team?
  • What will you do as an individual?
  • What bias is the Manager demonstrating?
  • Has this ever happened to you and how did you deal with it?

Scenario 2

You are in a Client meeting and you find it hard to contribute, there are very vocal characters and your voice does not seem to be heard.

Recently a decision was made based on a consensus around the table, which you know is not the right way to move forward.  You have evidence to share as to why the approach would be wrong however you feel uncomfortable sharing with such a strong group.

  • What are you going to do?
  • Is this a situation you can relate to?
  • What bias is being demonstrated at this meeting?
  • What as an organisation can you do, to improve the format of meetings?

Please do share your thoughts with me bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk